Naked and Loving Me : PART 1

I've never been one of those people who can walk around the house naked. I know that there are some of you out there that relish the freedom of walking around your own domain naked as the day you were born... but not I. I don't even walk around naked in my bedroom. But as I'm growing older and hopefully wiser, I realize that my discomfort with my own nakedness can be indicative of something in me that's not necessarily good. I certainly don't have a problem with nudity when I hear about others doing it. In fact I'm one part awed and the other part envious. J too is one of you naked loving people. He'll strut, yes I said STRUT around the bedroom naked, and when we were living at our own place, he'd even go out to the kitchen in the nude to get something out of the fridge.

QUICK J STORY: One time, we were in Vegas and we had a room that had a window that looked out over the strip. We could see the Bellagio fountain show from our room and could even hear the music. So J, buck naked after a shower, walks casually over to the very wide window which has it's curtains all the way drawn, and just stands there, HANDS ON HIPS, watching the fountain show with a silly smile on his face. He LOVES that show by the way. He thinks it is THE BEST show in Vegas. That show comes around every half hour, and then every 15 minutes, after a certain time at night. It should tell you how much we watch that show since I can tell you its schedule. Anyway, not only did he stand there watching the show in the nude, he proceeded to watch about 2 more after the first one until finally I couldn't bear it any longer and told him that while he may be enjoying the view, the people down below on the strip really truly may not be enjoying their view. To this day, J will still recall that night and say it's one of his most favorite Vegas memories. :| I apologize to anybody reading this who may have seen a naked man in Vegas a few years ago watching the Bellagio fountain show from his 19th story window.

Anyway, suffice it to say, J is pretty OK with being naked. Me... well, as soon as I get out of the shower, I wrap myself in a ginormous bath robe that comes down to my shins. Then I quickly walk over to my dresser, and get dressed. You can probably clock me at about 30 seconds, for the entire time I'm in the nude. I don't even like to look at myself in the mirror if I'm naked. I don't even stay naked long enough to properly dry everywhere and put some lotion on. It's bad... :(

Also, I know that there are people out there who can sleep in the nude. I've watched movies where the characters will wake up naked next to each other after a romantic night of love making and start kissing each other in dreamy bliss. Don't get me started on the morning breath thing.. but focusing on the naked part... I really thought that this sleeping and waking up naked thing was a movie myth. Well, I have since learned from some of my trusted girlfriends, this is NOT a myth. This REALLY happens. People sleep IN THE NUDE! I have many fears about this. 1) what if the house catches fire while I'm naked and disoriented from sleep 2) what if burglars come in the middle of the night while I am naked and disoriented from sleep 3) what if (God forbid) some creepy crawly bug or something climbs in me while I am naked and sleeping! UGH! This then leads me to the next thought... What about those ladies who go sans-panty out to places. There they are... walking around with no underwear on, in skirts and dresses... just sitting on public benches, restaurant chairs, etc. I know that this is supposed to be sexy but... what if a bug crawls up you?!

I AM NOT JUDGING. Again, one part in awe, the other part in envy. BUT... these are actually my real, and admittedly neurotic, fears. And now, to the part of now being older and wiser... OK JEANNIE. GET A GRIP. That's what I tell myself when I feel like my thoughts are spiraling out of control about being naked. So one night, after having uh... intimate time... yeah that's it, with J, I tried to be brave and decided to forgo my customary jump out the bed, run to the bathroom to clean up, and get dressed routine for just, clean up and get back in bed. I strolled nonchalantly back to bed and got under the covers.. NAKED. EEK! I told J he had to do the same so I don't feel alone in this. He said ok and then proceeded to snore happily away. I lay there for awhile... my thoughts churning.. my anxiety running high... and miraculously, somehow I fell asleep. Don't cheer yet. It was a fitful sleep full of tossing and turning. Then I woke up like 90 minutes later, next to a still snoring J, feeling like there was no way I could sleep comfortably all night like this and gave in. I got up, threw on my clothes and with a contented sigh, drifted off to a nice deep sleep.

Some of you may say... "Well, sleeping naked isn't for everyone. It's ok, Jeannie. There are different people in the world who are comfortable with different things." I would say you guys are very nice for trying to make me feel better... but remember.. that older and wiser self? Well that Jeannie says that it's ok to have different levels of comfortability with your nudity, but to not have ANY comfortability with your nudity, not even locked in your own room by yourself, not even long enough to rub some badly needed lotion on your dry alligator skin... well that may be something else all together. And taking a closer look at that something else is what I have determined to do. I need to get not just OK with myself... but (sigh) it would be nice if I could even LOVE myself. Even my NAKED SELF. That's my new project. Learning to love me. Stay tuned for Part 2 of Naked and Loving Me!